I haven't been on here in a while it's been kinda busy these last few days , but i'm back now .
Today I heard a crazy story about a guy who tried to kill himself because he felt like no one loved him. He flipped his truck purposely on the road and now he's in a wheel chair. Crazy right ? or is it ? I mean haven't we all been at that point in life where we just felt as if no one loved us ? Maybe not , but I know I have.
I remember back in the days when I was a young adolescent, I thought highly of myself. I didn't know what it felt like to need love because I was too young to understand what that even meant. All I knew back then was playing football with my brothers, and going to school, and I knew anytime I fell and scraped my knee my mother would be there to pick me up. I looked at the world and all I saw was the outside. But as I grew older I saw the world differently, my whole point of view of everything changed even about myself.
As I started getting older I started letting society's point of view on life effect how I felt about myself. It wasn't until high school, when I lost sight of not only my dreams , but who I was as a human being. I don't know what it was or how it started, but it was as if I entered a whole new world. I've been surrounded by so many females because I grew up around all brothers. It was different seeing the way girls dressed, how they talked, how they were so developed, and how much makeup they wore. I grew up thinking that makeup was for all grown ups honestly, I didn't know that girl's my age could where it. Another thing with guys, I didn't know how much having boobs, and a butt mattered in this world. Things like this never occurred to me, and there was nothing in this world that could've prepared me for the next four years of my life. I just had to learn as I went.
I faced a lot of obstacles in high school, couldn't really do much because of my over protective mother. None the less I was still pretty popular in high school, but one thing I was never known for was being Ratchet. Basically being a hoe. I never understood how females could be so comfortable exposing their body to just any guy, but I mean hey to each is own. I don't know what made me feel this way, or what made me change my opinion of myself, but one day I woke up and felt unloved, unwanted, and that I wasn't as pretty as I once though I was. everyday I walked through the halls and seen their bodies, and their smiles, and thought that every girl was beautiful in their own way, but me. I mean yes guys paid me attention, but as I grew older I felt s if it was only for my butt, and my chest area.
None the less I still made it through high school in one piece. I graduated with my class, and It was a success. BUT still to this day I do struggle with a lot of those things. It's sometimes hard to chase my dreams because I have no true support system, or maybe I do, maybe It's just he guy that I want to be there for me really isn't, which makes me feel as if not only my dreams, but myself isn't important in the world. It was other things also, like my dad not wanting to be in my life, and then going through it with my friends talking about me behind my back, made me feel as if something was wrong with me.
I'm slowly but surely getting back on track for myself. I don't have no one telling me I CAN DO IT, or YOU"RE GOING TO MAKE IT. or anyone just sitting down to talk to me period about anything. It's as if I'm surrounded by negativity, and it makes everything just that much harder.
ALthough I've felt defeated in life, one thing I never did was #GIVEUP . That's the whole moral of the story. Never lose sight of your dreams or who you are just because of what your surroundings make you feel like. In all due reality you don't need anyone, you just want someone there cheering you on. even though having someone in your corner does help at the end of the day, YOU'RE the one that has to live your life, not THEM. You're the only one besides God that's capable of making your dreams come true not them. SO just keep your head up, don't ever put your head down, or let society get to you because in the end Society's wrong about life, it's just what they put in your head to believe. As long as YOU believe in yourself, and GOD than anything is possible. And always remember nothing in life worth having comes easy, just ask #TB !!!!!!
Friday, April 26, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
I've Never Made Love
"No baby you're just too young for love, these niggas don't want anything but what's in between your legs".
Those were the words of my mother when I was just a little grasshopper. But you know how it is when you come across the first guy that tells you he loves you. You think you see a side of him that no one else sees. You feel as if no one understands because they're outside looking in. Then, when you hear your friends tell you stuff you don't know who to believe because nine times out of ten they're probably just jealous of what you have, and they may even want your man on the low. But what I've learned is that-that one time that you should've listened, was to your mother. Now, that I've grown and learned so much more about Life itself, I really wish I would've listened to my mother.
I love to laugh, so a guy that I can crack jokes with, and clown around with is a super plus to me. A guy that play fights with me and lets me win just so he can see the smile on my face. A guy that I know I can trust when he's away. A guy that'll take up for me, when I'm not around no matter who it is. A guy that understands me or won't stop trying to understand me. A guy that accepts me for who I am as a whole. A guy that goes out of his way just to make me happy. A guy that respects me, a guy that doesn't act funny when he's around other guys. A guy that won't give up on me, no matter how hard I make it. A guy that'll love me unconditionally. A guy that'll listen to me, spend time with me, and that will put me first. A guy that holds me when I cry, and doesn't walk away and make me cry more.
Thats what all Females say we want right ? But we give it up so easy to the wrong guys. And we ignore the good ones, the ones that we all yearn for. We will dismiss the right guy, give all our attention to the wrong guy, and then when we .get hurt, we scream all men are the same. But if all men are the same then all women are also because we all continue to go through the same cycle with the same men. we say what we want but when we get it, we don't know how to handle it because we're so used to wrong we don't know when it's right. but if we just give the right men a chance one time then maybe for once we'll know what it is to be treated as a women is supposed to be. As women we have to know our worth, we have to know that there's certain things men can do, that we just can't. And no matter how much of a double standard it is, or how unfair it is, that's just life, and that's just how it is. If you respect yourself as a women first then the right guy will come along. I had to learn this the hardest way possible. I've been in the same relationship for five years, and I've never made Love !!!
Those were the words of my mother when I was just a little grasshopper. But you know how it is when you come across the first guy that tells you he loves you. You think you see a side of him that no one else sees. You feel as if no one understands because they're outside looking in. Then, when you hear your friends tell you stuff you don't know who to believe because nine times out of ten they're probably just jealous of what you have, and they may even want your man on the low. But what I've learned is that-that one time that you should've listened, was to your mother. Now, that I've grown and learned so much more about Life itself, I really wish I would've listened to my mother.
I love to laugh, so a guy that I can crack jokes with, and clown around with is a super plus to me. A guy that play fights with me and lets me win just so he can see the smile on my face. A guy that I know I can trust when he's away. A guy that'll take up for me, when I'm not around no matter who it is. A guy that understands me or won't stop trying to understand me. A guy that accepts me for who I am as a whole. A guy that goes out of his way just to make me happy. A guy that respects me, a guy that doesn't act funny when he's around other guys. A guy that won't give up on me, no matter how hard I make it. A guy that'll love me unconditionally. A guy that'll listen to me, spend time with me, and that will put me first. A guy that holds me when I cry, and doesn't walk away and make me cry more.
Thats what all Females say we want right ? But we give it up so easy to the wrong guys. And we ignore the good ones, the ones that we all yearn for. We will dismiss the right guy, give all our attention to the wrong guy, and then when we .get hurt, we scream all men are the same. But if all men are the same then all women are also because we all continue to go through the same cycle with the same men. we say what we want but when we get it, we don't know how to handle it because we're so used to wrong we don't know when it's right. but if we just give the right men a chance one time then maybe for once we'll know what it is to be treated as a women is supposed to be. As women we have to know our worth, we have to know that there's certain things men can do, that we just can't. And no matter how much of a double standard it is, or how unfair it is, that's just life, and that's just how it is. If you respect yourself as a women first then the right guy will come along. I had to learn this the hardest way possible. I've been in the same relationship for five years, and I've never made Love !!!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
CHANCE !!!!!!!
CHANCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????
Todays topic today is Chance !!! what do you think of when you her the word CHANCE ???
When most people hear the word chance , they always think the worse. That's because a lot of people associate the word chance with RISK , or HAZARD. but why do we think like that you ask ? I don't know maybe it's the way society has our mind programmed, or maybe it's just how we were brought up. Either way it goes, i feel as if once we get a certain age, we have to develope our own mind, with our own thoughts, and have our own point of view of the world. I mean you can't look at life through someone else's eyes your whole life, so get out in the world and do something YOU'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE. Come on don't be afraid.
I have a challenge for you guys, everyday you wake up do at least one thing you've never done before. I Mean anything that you've never done just take a chance and do it. Start small , get comfortable with the idea, then go BIIIIIIGGGGGGGG !!!!!!!!!!!!
Because you know what I think when I hear the word CHANCE ?????? #OPPORTUNITY !!!!!!!!
Todays topic today is Chance !!! what do you think of when you her the word CHANCE ???
When most people hear the word chance , they always think the worse. That's because a lot of people associate the word chance with RISK , or HAZARD. but why do we think like that you ask ? I don't know maybe it's the way society has our mind programmed, or maybe it's just how we were brought up. Either way it goes, i feel as if once we get a certain age, we have to develope our own mind, with our own thoughts, and have our own point of view of the world. I mean you can't look at life through someone else's eyes your whole life, so get out in the world and do something YOU'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE. Come on don't be afraid.
I have a challenge for you guys, everyday you wake up do at least one thing you've never done before. I Mean anything that you've never done just take a chance and do it. Start small , get comfortable with the idea, then go BIIIIIIGGGGGGGG !!!!!!!!!!!!
Because you know what I think when I hear the word CHANCE ?????? #OPPORTUNITY !!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Right or Wrong
Is it wrong to want someone you know you will never get ? Or is it wrong to feel as if you will NEVER get it ? I mean I know they say never say never, but it's just certain things you know will just never happen, right ?
You know the moment when you meet someone for the first time, and you've felt like you've known them forever ? It's like just an instant click !!! You guys talk about everything over the phone, or over text messages, but when ya'll see each other in person it's like you instantly tense up, you feel the butterflies wings flying in your stomach at full speed, then an instant heat wave flushes your cheeks, and your mind goes blank so the only thing you can do is smile. Well, thats the feeling I get every time I see this guy. I'll introduce him to you guys as "Coolio".
In my eyes Coolio was the best guy in the world. A lot of females liked him, but for some reason, I don't think they saw what I saw when I looked into his eyes. when I looked into his eyes, I saw a whole new world, a whole new life. It was as if I saw his soul. ( Just a strong metaphor for saying I saw him for who he really was ). We had what you might call a "Flirtationship" lol. But, we were friends before anything We had a really strong friendship and thats something that doesn't come too often.
We always conversed, we always shared some of the best laughs together, but it's like as we got older our friendship became weird. we would go from talking everyday, to not talking at all for months, and it has been on and off like that still to this day. sometimes I sit back and wonder why ? There's a few thoughts that come to my mind, but the main one is "I'm most likely not his type". There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but one thing i miss the most is the friendship we had.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder if there's someone out there crushing on me the same way you know. I wonder if i'd been ignoring them the same way. Have you ever wondered why people always want things that we can't have?
You know what I've learned ? It's hard to wait on something that you know might not ever happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.
Unfortunately for me i've already given up because I just don't know what I want anymore.
You know the moment when you meet someone for the first time, and you've felt like you've known them forever ? It's like just an instant click !!! You guys talk about everything over the phone, or over text messages, but when ya'll see each other in person it's like you instantly tense up, you feel the butterflies wings flying in your stomach at full speed, then an instant heat wave flushes your cheeks, and your mind goes blank so the only thing you can do is smile. Well, thats the feeling I get every time I see this guy. I'll introduce him to you guys as "Coolio".
In my eyes Coolio was the best guy in the world. A lot of females liked him, but for some reason, I don't think they saw what I saw when I looked into his eyes. when I looked into his eyes, I saw a whole new world, a whole new life. It was as if I saw his soul. ( Just a strong metaphor for saying I saw him for who he really was ). We had what you might call a "Flirtationship" lol. But, we were friends before anything We had a really strong friendship and thats something that doesn't come too often.
We always conversed, we always shared some of the best laughs together, but it's like as we got older our friendship became weird. we would go from talking everyday, to not talking at all for months, and it has been on and off like that still to this day. sometimes I sit back and wonder why ? There's a few thoughts that come to my mind, but the main one is "I'm most likely not his type". There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but one thing i miss the most is the friendship we had.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder if there's someone out there crushing on me the same way you know. I wonder if i'd been ignoring them the same way. Have you ever wondered why people always want things that we can't have?
You know what I've learned ? It's hard to wait on something that you know might not ever happen, but it's even harder to give up when you know it's everything you want.
Unfortunately for me i've already given up because I just don't know what I want anymore.
Delay
Sorry for the delay in my post I've started a new job recently and you know how hectic that can be , but tune in after five and I'll be with you guys !!! Deucessss
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