I think about death a lot, not as in killing myself, but just as in What if ya know? I don't feel pretty. I hate looking at myself in the mirror sometimes. I can find beauty in every human being on this earth besides myself. It was a point in time in my life when I hated myself. I have a few people in my life that I'm scared to lose, that I would do anything for. I wonder everyday if someone is scared to lose me. I think I've lost sight of who I am, or I never really knew who I was to begin with. Or it could be that as I grew and learned things, I began to let society's view on What a women should look like, and be affect my own personal view on life. I've cried myself to sleep every night for a long time now, for reasons that are unknown to me.
I wish I had my father in my life. I will never know what it's like to have the love from a father to his daughter. I wish he wanted to be in my life. I often wonder why I was so unimportant to him. I also wonder sometimes, like why couldn't my mother choose a different guy, you know? like one that would want to be apart of his childrens lives, no matter what the situation is with the mother? but then often i think that maybe i'll do the same, choose the wrong child to father my children just because I want to have someone that will love me unconditionally forever. Honestly sometimes I think My father not being a father is where all my depression comes from.
I feel as if I will never be good enough for anybody ever. no one sees the potential in me. no one takes the time out to really see who I am. they just automatically judge me and keep it pushing. I wish I had someone that worried about me, that cared what I was doin every second of the day, that supported me, and motivated me. someone that paid attention to me, that just did things to make me smile. Maybe I'm not worth that. Maybe its something wrong with me , idk what I did but I just want this stage of my life to be over. I dont have anyone to talk to so I write.
I always wanted to become a famous photographer because I love taking photos so people can see my point of view on life.
No comments:
Post a Comment