Lost Dreams

      I haven't been on here in a while it's been kinda busy these last few days , but i'm back now .




          Today I heard a crazy story about a guy who tried to kill himself because he felt like no one loved him. He flipped his truck purposely on the road and now he's in a wheel chair. Crazy right ? or is it ? I mean haven't we all been at that point in life where we just felt as if no one loved us ? Maybe not , but I know I have.


      I remember back in the days when I was a young adolescent, I thought highly of myself. I didn't know what it felt like to need love because I was too young to understand what that even meant. All I knew back then was playing football with my brothers, and going to school, and I knew anytime I fell and scraped my knee my mother would be there to pick me up. I looked at the world and all I saw was the outside.  But as I grew older I saw the world differently, my whole point of view of everything changed even about myself.



        As I started getting older I started letting society's point of view on life effect how I felt about myself. It wasn't until high school, when I lost sight of not only my dreams , but who I was as a human being. I don't know what it was or how it started, but it was as if I entered a whole new world. I've been surrounded by so many females because I grew up around all brothers. It was different seeing the way girls dressed, how they talked, how they were so developed, and how much makeup they wore. I grew up thinking that makeup was for all grown ups honestly, I didn't know that girl's my age could where it.  Another thing with guys, I didn't know how much having boobs, and a butt mattered in this world. Things like this never occurred to me, and there was nothing in this world that could've prepared me for the next four years of my life. I just had to learn as I went.


     I faced a lot of obstacles in high school, couldn't really do much because of my over protective mother. None the less I was still pretty popular in high school, but one thing I was never known for was being Ratchet. Basically being a hoe. I never understood how females could be so comfortable exposing their body to just any guy, but I mean hey to each is own. I don't know what made me feel this way, or what made me change my opinion of myself, but one day I woke up and felt unloved, unwanted, and that I wasn't as pretty as I once though I was.  everyday I walked through the halls and seen their bodies, and their smiles, and thought that every girl was beautiful in their own way, but me.  I mean yes guys paid me attention, but as I grew older I felt s if it was only for my butt, and my chest area.


    None the less I still made it through high school in one piece. I graduated with my class, and It was a success. BUT still to this day I do struggle with a lot of those things. It's sometimes hard to chase my dreams because I have no true support system, or maybe I do, maybe It's just he guy that I want to be there for me really isn't, which makes me feel as if not only my dreams, but myself isn't important in the world. It was other things also, like my dad not wanting to be in my life, and then going through it with my friends talking about me behind my back, made me feel as if something was wrong with me.


I'm slowly but surely getting back on track for myself. I don't have no one telling me I CAN DO IT, or YOU"RE GOING TO MAKE IT. or anyone just sitting down to talk to me period about anything. It's as if I'm surrounded by negativity, and it makes everything just that much harder.

    ALthough I've felt defeated in life, one thing I never did was #GIVEUP . That's the whole moral of the story. Never lose sight of your dreams or who you are just because of what your surroundings make you feel like. In all due reality you don't need anyone, you just want someone there cheering you on. even though having someone in your corner does help at the end of the day, YOU'RE the one that has to live your life, not THEM. You're the only one besides God that's capable of making your dreams come true not them. SO just keep your head up, don't ever put your head down, or let society get to you because in the end Society's wrong about life, it's just what they put in your head to believe. As long as YOU believe in yourself, and GOD than anything is possible. And always remember nothing in life worth having comes easy, just ask #TB !!!!!!